Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
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you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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