My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
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Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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