I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize