I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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