Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
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He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
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When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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