i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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