The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
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Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
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I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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