U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize