Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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