i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize