her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
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She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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