Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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