i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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