remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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