What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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