she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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