fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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