i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think I won the penis lottery.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
sex in a hospital.. check
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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