these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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