a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize