you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
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I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
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I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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