I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize