I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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