Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize