after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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