connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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