After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize