so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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