I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize