Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
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I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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