Im at strip club and am horny
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
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