I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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