i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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