two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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