Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Ketchup is God's man juice
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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