And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize