Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize