theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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