You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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