Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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