i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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