If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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