I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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