I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize