Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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