i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize