i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize