I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize