Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize