So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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